Ask, Thayer, and Ye Shall Receive…

WARNING: NSFW LANGUAGE IN THIS TEXT.  WHAT FOLLOWS IS AN UNEDITED, ENRAGED RANT THAT ORIGINALLY WAS WRITTEN IN THE FORM OF 3 EMAILS.  JUST A SAMPLE OF WHAT BENGALS FANS GO THROUGH ON A WEEK TO WEEK BASIS.  ENJOY.

(ED. NOTE: FIRST EMAIL AUTHORED BY J.THAYER, STB ESQ.)

Im sorry but are the coaches really saying that despite the fact that Coffman dominates in practice and catches everything thrown to him, they wont activate him because he never had to cover kickoffs at Missouri? Did I miss the part in any of the last 6 games where Daniel Coats or the foshster made huge tackles in kick coverage? Brats take on our 3rd and 4th string tight ends?: “There have been times they’ve both done some really good things,” Bratkowski said. “They’ve both made plays in the pass game and they have both made good plays blocking. It’s not as consistent as we would like. Obviously the dropped balls and the fumbles are an issue. They’ve just got to come out of it.” Didn’t we try the “just got to come out of it” strategy with St Louis? Is that even a strategy?

(ED. NOTE: HERE COME THE RESPONSES)

the answer, sir, is no, it is not a freaking strategy its just pathetic.  its unreal that after all the team has been through to try to battle back this season that the coaching staff is falling for an error all too common in baseball: overrating “experience.”  as all sane people understand, the only way a player gets “experience” is by playing, so if, as a coach, you forever condemn a player for lack of experience he will in fact never see the light of day.  on the other hand, if you go by my and every other rational persons’ motto of: “let your best players play,” then you end up giving your very best shot at every game, as opposed to hiding behind two 3rd and 4th string guys who weren’t even going to make the goddamned roster if the top 2 hadnt gotten hurt.  i mean seriously.  JP FREAKING FOSCHI?????  he should never, EVER, EVER, be on a professional football field.  if you want an extra blocker, throw in an extra lineman or fullback.  if you want an extra receiver put a goddamned receiver on the field, or, better, PUT THE GUY YOU DRAFTED TO RECEIVE OUT OF THAT POSITION ON THE FREAKING FIELD.  and the whole special teams argument is beyond baffling.  our kickoff coverage is, quite literally, the worst in the entire NFL!  the worst!  you’re telling me swapping out 4th string tight ends is going to permanently affect kickoffs in a negative way?  and how about my other most hated roster spot, the designated “special teams superstar,” in our case kyries hebert, who can never actually play a real football down.  what has he done this season?  well, lets see, make zero memorable plays except for punching some guy in the face on sunday for no particular reason.  guys like that are freaking dime a dozen, just like long snappers, just like 4th string tight ends.  when youre in one of those spots, and you screw up like foschi did and like hebert did, you should be cut.  why?  because there are 10 other guys of at least equal caliber waiting to come in and play who DID NOT  screw up.  you could actually argue that coats and foschi cost the football team a game on sunday, and when two players who aren’t noticeable better than people sitting on the street cost you games, they should be eradicated immediately.  its freaking nuts, its just freaking nuts and i cant stand it.  i hate bratkowski, i hate marvin lewis’ roster management (tell me again why roy williams is starting and chris crocker often assumes the nickel corner role?), and we are 1 loss away from being the same old bengals one more time.  i dont want that.  i/bengals fans dont deserve that.

(ED. NOTE – 4.5 HOURS ELAPSE)

ok i just did a tour de bengals.com, and, basically, i cant go back for the rest of the week.  i am so enraged with the assinine comments by bratkowski and lewis re tight ends, bernard scott, the no-huddle, run/pass balance, etc.  particularly i was annoyed with bratkowski talking about how he “cant get bscott involved bc we werent on the field a lot.”  hey fucking genius: the reason you arent on the field is because of YOUR FUCKING PLAYCALLING.  its not going to be that every game you get to run 80 plays so you can give ced 25 carries, chad 10 balls, caldwell 20 balls, coles 5 balls, henry 5 balls, foschi and coats 100 balls, and then bscott 10 touches.  guess what?  sometimes you have to make things work on the timetable you get in the game!  sometimes teams win games and have variety on offense without running 70000 plays!  sometimes you lose the time of possession battle and win the game!

i havent been this angry about the bengs for a while, but its just because i love them and because this year – unlike last year – the team has a real chance to do something, but we’re watching two stooges run the team from the scared shitless perspective of 3 straight non-winning seasons.  seriously.  those two turkeys would rather NOT win games 34-20.  i am almost thinking theyd rather either lose or at the very least win 17-16 every week than even consider putting up 24 points in a football game.  there are several things that should be done every game that would make the bengals so much better its just painful that it doesnt happen more: 1) throw fucking chad the fucking ball, 2) cut foschi and start coffman.  immediately.  tangent!  we scored 27 points a game with no tight ends in 2005.  i know they (coaches curly (brat) and moe (lew) hate that team because it “collapsed.”  well guess what, it did NOT collapse!  its qb blew out his freaking knee!  ive been reading about how steelers fans were actually scared ofthe 2005 team but they know this team isnt the same threat because they take no chances and basically have to play a perfect game to win.  a team witha  good offense and a bad defense that loses a playoff game then struggles does not mean that to win you must have a boring/bad offense.  it means you need a better fucking defense.  take a look at every good team in the league: pats, colts, steelers, ravens, saints, giants, falcons, etc ALL OF THESE TEAMS HAVE GREAT OFFENSES, 3) get b scott 5 touches a game MINIMUM EVERY GAME NO MATTER THE NUMBER OF PLAYS, 4) get your defense the memo – specifically the safeties – that you dont need to ridiculously overcommit to every play, and think of yourselves as awesome when you give up 500 yards to the texans.