Fantasy League Ridiculousness

And we’ve arrived at Week 13 in the NFL, the final regular season week for most fantasy football leagues operating with a standard 3-week playoff without games on the final – and fluky – week of the real season.  It’s been a while since we’ve been able to rock some new content on the Flow, and sadly for most of you not involved with the greatest fantasy league ever assembled – the KeeperLeague Your Pants On Georgetown University Showdown – our return post will be a final weekend preview from the most shockingly exciting regular season we have ever seen.  Consider, with just one game to play only 1 of 12 teams is eliminated from playoff contention, and that team has been one of the hottest in the league over the past few weeks.  We will post the standings here, and then delve into necessary scenarios plus matchup previews for this league where we play, to get paid… (all non-members probably want to stop reading here, though I will include a hot pic of this chick from Twilight as eye candy on the homepage):

OK, now on to business!!! First, the matchups with records in parenthesis, this should give you an idea of the parity in the league:

HGH V: Title Defense (7-5) vs. 1-2-3 Boom Toby (4-8)

My Couch Pulls Out But I Don’t (6-6) vs. Big Fake Boobs Are Cool (5-7)

World F*cking Champs (6-6) vs. Unleashed Monsters (6-6)

Tig Ol’ Bitties (5-7) vs. Team 15 (6-6)

The Athletic Supporters (6-6) vs. The Destroyers (5-7)

Jeff Green’s Mom (8-4) vs. Tampa Bay D (8-4)

Now, let’s go team-by-team with their scenarios in order of standings which can be found at the bottom of the post:

1) Tampa Bay D

- These lovable, erstwhile doormats are merely a victory over rival Jeff Green’s Mom away from their first regular season league title.  A loss this week, however, combined with an HGH victory AND HGH maintaining its 3.6 point advantage over the D would result in these gentlemen falling to the 3 seed and losing a first round bye.

2) Jeff Green’s Mom

- Arguably the league’s luckiest team, JGM is tied for the league lead despite scoring only the 9th most points.  As a result of this, they will not win many tiebreaker situations they may fall into, but they are fortunate enough to be playing the team tied with them for first in the final week meaning a win equals a regular season title, points scored be damned.  Should JGM lose and 3rd place HGH win, there is almost no chance they will accumulate enough points to protect their bye slot and they would become a prime candidate for a first round upset in the 3 v. 6 matchup.

3) HGH V: Title Defense

- While it may at first seem like a blessing for the defending champs to be squaring off against the only team eliminated from playoff contention on the final weekend, to be fair the Boomers have been the highest scoring team in the league over the last two weeks as they have finally shed the “too sexy for our scoring system” label while embracing spoiler status and preparing to do battle in the consolation bracket for 1st pick.  With a win and JGM loss HGH is almost assured of the 2 seed, however a loss could realistically leave them anywhere from 3rd to 6th.  This may seem unusual considering they have not formally clinched a playoff spot, but only 4 of the 5 6-6 teams can win next week and realistically only 3 of them have any shot to win any potential tiebreakers.  So for all intents and purposes, we will be seeing HGH attempt to defend their title in the playoffs this season.

4) The Athletic Supporters

- By far the highest scoring team in the league, the Supporters somehow still find themselves fighting for their playoff lives on the final weekend by virtue of having seen the most points scored against them as well.  Ironically, HGH is second in both points scored and allowed.  Regardless, the Supporters are in with a win, and due to their incredible points advantage would win almost all tiebreaker scenarios which could result in finishing as high as 3rd.  That said, this team could also finish out of the playoff picture entirely should Team 15 and My Couch Pulls Out But I Don’t both win, and the Supporters lose.  Each of those other teams will be favored in its game – as the Supporters will be in their showdown with the rival Destroyers – so it really may be a win and in, out and out situation for one of the league’s major market franchises.

5) Unleashed Monsters

- A solid team that has rebounded from a 1-4 start to storm into the playoff picture, they are, almost certainly, in with a win over World F*cking Champs, a result which would also all but eliminate the defending regular season champs.  With some help the team could finish as high as third, but as low as 6th even in a winning effort should the Supporters win and Team 15 win big.  It is theoretically possible for the team to miss the playoffs in a winning effort, but that would require the aforementioned 6th place winning scenario PLUS a Couch Pulls Out win in which CPO also managed to overcome a 56.6 point deficit – highly unlikely.  With a loss, the Monsters can still make the playoffs with a CPO loss and a Team 15 loss where the Monsters maintained their 22 point advantage.

6) Team 15

- Always a threat, Team 15 is once again in the thick of the playoff hunt.  These gentlemen are in with a win and maintenance of their 34.6 point lead over CPO.  Should they blow that point lead in a winning effort, they would need either the Unleashed Monsters or Athletic Supporters to go down.  If Team 15 go down this weekend, and given their matchup with the lowest scoring team in the league they should not, they will need a CPO loss to the Boobies, and a WFC loss to the Monsters.  While the Supporters are the safest of the 6-6 teams in terms of making it in with a loss, Team 15’s scenario of making the playoffs while losing is probably 2nd most feasible amongst the 6-6 teams.

7) My Couch Pulls Out But I Don’t

- And now we’re into the land of teams needing a little bit of help.  Even with a win to send them to 7-6, the CPO’s cannot make the playoffs without overcoming a point deficit of at least 34.6 points (to Team 15) should the 4th, 5th and 6th place teams ahead of them also win.  The team will almost certainly be in with a win and a loss by any of those teams ahead of them at 6-6; the only way this might not happen is if the WFC were to beat the Monsters and then also overcome their current 33.4 point deficit to the CPO’s.  If the CPO’s lose they will be in major trouble, and would probably need a Monsters win over the WFC combined with a very low-scoring loss for Team 15 vs. the Bitties in which the CPO’s could overcome the aforementioned 34.6 point deficit in order for them to squeak into the playoffs.

World F*cking Champs

- The lowest scoring of the 6-6 squads, the defending regular season champions have fought hard this season to remain in the hunt.  They are participating in the only head-to-head 6-6 vs. 6-6 game of the weekend, so they can establish themselves over the Monsters in the pecking order with a win this week.  Still, even with the win, the WFC will likely also need a loss by the Supporters, Team 15, or CPO to make the playoffs as it may be difficult for the team to overcome its 33.4 point deficit to CPO (and much greater deficits to the other 6-6′ers).  It is almost impossible to envision the WFC getting back to the playoffs with a loss, as they would need losses by both Team 15 and CPO AND to overcome 68 and 33.4 point deficits to those two teams respectively in a losing effort.  They will also need to be sure to make up a 7.8 point deficit to the Boobies who will have had to have won in this scenario in order to take that tiebreaker advantage.  In short, this is must win plus help.

9) Big Fake Boobs Are Cool

- How the mighty have fallen, the Boobies stormed back from an abysmal 2-11 regular season last year to win the consolation bracket and number 1 pick in the draft this season, and when the team marched out to a 5-1 start the “return of a dynasty” talk was all over SportsCenter.  Sadly, the team has dropped 6 in a row, and now needs major help to get in.  Here’s what it will take: 1) Beat CPO while outscoring them by a minimum of 25.7 points, 2) WFC must lose to the Monsters and not make up the current 7.8 gap in points in the Boobies favor, 3) Team 15 must lose to the Bitties and must score 60.2 fewer points than the Boobies do this week.  They obviously cannot get in with a loss.

10) The Destroyers

- Another major market franchise, the Destroyers have frankly never really competed at the highest level, and this year is no exception.  While not mathematically eliminated from contention, they are so many points behind some of the teams ahead of them that even with a win over the Supporters – something that the rest of the league will be widely cheering for – it would be almost impossible for them to make the playoffs.  As their team owner himself was quoted as saying this week, “this is our Super Bowl,” and is it ever, a glorious chance to end a rival’s season in misery.

11) Tig Ol’ Bitties

- Like the team above them, the Bitties are an important factor in this weekend’s action, though in all likelihood not with any relation to their own playoff potential.  Almost all of the scenarios involving the 7th-9th place teams making the playoffs involve a Bitties victory over Team 15, but as the lowest scoring team in the league this seems a tall task.  Yet another disappointing season for the squad with two of the top keepers – S-Jax and Adrian Peterson – in the league.

12) 1-2-3 Boom Toby

- The league’s all-time winningest franchise has suffered through its worst season ever after making the gutsy decision to “go sexy” on draft day, a 180-degree shift from their standard “tried and true veterans” policy that had worked so well for them in years past.  That said, the young team is starting to come around, will certainly have a say in who will be holding the 2nd bye spot, and will be a force to be reckoned with in the consolation battle for 1st overall selection next season…just in time for the league to abandon its no snake draft policy

Wow, I’m not sure if your head hurts at this point, but mine sure does!!  Here are the hard-to-believe standings through 12 weeks, we will leave names omitted, and come back with a full game-by-game preview later in the week as lineups are set: