GUEST POST! – Confessions from THAT GUY in Your Fantasy League, by MB

-Drafted all of the touted rookie running backs this year expecting one of them to turn into Adrian Peterson

-Sprinted to his laptop to put in a bid for Mario Manningham on the waiver wire MID-GAME when the Giants played the Cowboys

-Has drafted Vernon Davis every year, rationalizing that this will be the year that he “turns it on”

-Has never drafted Brian Westbrook because a younger 4th round-caliber back was also available in that spot

I…am all of these guys. I am stricken with an addiction to sexy fantasy football players. I bring sexy back more often than JT.

Ted Ginn Jr. – Sexy

Desean Jackson – Sexier

Knowshon Moreno – Her

I can’t help myself. I become so accustomed to known quantities like Ochocino, Wes Welker and Ronnie Brown that I convince myself that I can let those guys get scooped up in the 2nd and 3rd rounds while I go and grab MY SUPER SECRET SEXY guys in the mid rounds. My eyes light up when it is round 5 and I see that Chris Wells is still on the board. Sure, Mark Clayton is there too, but He. Is. Soooooo. BORING. I’ll go with a hot Beef Wells-ington injection instead.

What is it that drives a GM to end up with a team comprised of 90% upside (Desean Jackson, Beanie Wells, Donald Brown, Knowshon Moreno, Steve “the other Steve Smith” Smith, Ted Ginn Jr.), 5% stud (MJD) and 5% what-the-hell-was-I-smoking (Sammy Morris)? Madness? Booze?

But a funny thing has happened with this team of mine.

I’ve been winning. Big.

I have two fantasy teams this year. One team has Aaron Rodgers, Michael Turner, Chris Johnson, Greg Jennings, Eddie Royal, Ochocinco, and the Minny D. That team is 1-2.

And then there is my 3-0 smoke-and-mirrors team.

This team has helped me understand why I, like so many fantasy addicts, pour over pages and pages of preseason draft guides and single out the unknown quantity gems that only I can appreciate.

Because I want to be the fantasy version of the “Nobody Believed in Us” team.

My head gets so filled with the notion that the falloff between Lee Evans and Chad OchoCinco isn’t biblically colossal, that while my fellow leaguers are crowning me the clearcut worst drafting GM ever (incidentally there’s an award named after me for Worst GM of the Year in this league), I am quietly grinning to myself, pitying THEM for going after guys like Willis McGahee and Clinton Portis while I pitch my tent in Camp Ginn and set sail for the Island of Dr. Moreno. They are just jealous, I say. There’s a term for people who believe that everyone is wrong but them. We call these people crazy.

And yes, I admit that I am insane when it comes to fantasy football. I cannot pay attention to anyone or anything other than my gamecasting laptop and the (usually awful West coast coverage) game on tv on Sundays. I had a Fever Pitch moment two weeks ago where I had to explain to my new girlfriend that I was going to become a different person on Sundays, that my buffalo wing consumption and attention span would negatively correlate for the next 4 months. “There’s something I have to tell you. I…am a fantasy football fan…”

But honestly, how much fun is it to be able to call your buddy, who predetermined that you would be the proud recipient of the poop bowl award at the end of the season, when you have a 50 point lead on him because somehow Steve Smith has torched the Cowboys for 134 yds and a score, and ask the innocent question, “Hey, I haven’t watched the games today, you seen any ‘em?”

It is these moments, worth so much on the richter scale of fantasy chest-puffing, that inspire me to reach deeeeep into the draft pool every year. It is too much fun, way too much fun, to be called a ‘lucky idiot’ 7 weeks into a season when a little known receiver named Marques Colston (this was back in ‘06), my round 9 pick, is torching defenses and The Destroyers in Week 8.

It’s not that I like fantasy football, so much as I LOVE pissing my friends off.

I don’t play fantasy football to win money (and lord knows I haven’t) and I don’t play to win it with big names. Peyton Manning, Brian Westbrook, blahhhhh. I play it because I LOVE being right about MY GUYS. Who did I have last year carrying me deep into the playoffs? Michael Turner and Chris Johnson. Nobody believed in us? CHECK! I don’t want to have the good fortune of being able to get Welker and Brandon Jacobs on the turn. I want everyone to let their jaws hit the ground when I go with Lee Evans and Knowshon, so that when they ask the bartender to cut me off out of concern for my mental state, I can retort “You don’t KNOWSHON Jack!” 10 weeks into the season…maybe.

Will this happen? Probably not. I have perennially ridden guys like Matt Jones, Chris Brown, and Donte Stallworth into the cellar. I refused to drop Jamaal Charles all season last year. In one historically pathetic moment, I picked up Willis McGahee, the then-Buffalo Running Bill who had never touched an NFL-sanctioned football due to a pre-season-season-ending injury, and stashed him on my bench for keeper value just in case.

I can handle it if my guys don’t pan out. But man, if they do, I get to machine gun fire “I told you so!” to a speechless league for an entire year! This is why I love fantasy. You can be right 50% of the time and proclaim yourself a guru.

For now, three weeks into the season, I am the guru. Don’t talk to me in 4 weeks.

Finally, some quick thoughts on the season:

-Tony Romo has gone from being the future Brett Favre to the current Brett Favre

-Larry Fitzgerald does not look happy

-Watching the Monday Night Game two weeks ago, I could have sworn I was listening to Joe Theismann idolize Peyton Manning and the Colts playbook, but NO! It was Jon Gruden! This wasn’t just his best Theismann impression, this was a full-blown embodiment. They even have the same voice! Suffice to say, I am excited about this.

-More on Gruden…”Chad Pennington doesn’t want any part of fantasy football.” The feeling’s mutual, Jon!

-Final Gruden observation…don’t you think it’d be great if all head coaches were forced to announce an NFL game on their team’s bye week? From a fantasy perspective, it’d give you an inside look at what these coaches key in on during a game and more importantly, help you weed out the coaches you can trust. For example, after listening to Gruden go on for 2 minutes about how the Colts o-line set up Donald Brown’s first career TD, even as Brown barreled two defenders into the end zone, I know that I will never draft a Gruden RB again. And just imagine Mangini, watching the Pats march down the field and positing, “1st and 10 on the Jets’ 40…now’s the time to sneak your QB.”

-MB